AGONY ALGORITHM: Why are so many Zoomers so lonely on YouTube?
I don’t know what I clicked on that caused this, but lately most of the suggested videos on my YouTube sidebar are of morose and lonely young men saying things like:
Nobody wants to be in a relationship.
I’m 31, and I’ve never had a girlfriend.
It’s an easy formula. Speak in low tones. Sigh with profound weariness. Encourage men to feel sorry for themselves.
Everything about life sucks and is horrible.
I look at women, and I’m exhausted.
I prefer to live alone. In silence.
The pains of being pure at heart
The sad-looking narrators of these videos are usually sitting in a dark room, or at a desk, or sometimes in their crappy car. There are no visible decorations, no posters on the wall. Maybe there’s a row of Russian novels in the back or the collected works of Nietzsche.
The young men are usually sitting far enough from the camera to make them look fragile, weak, broken, and alone.
Each man tells his tale of woe. He’s given up on dating. He doesn’t enjoy talking to girls.
He feels disenfranchised, unwanted. Society is against him. The whole world is holding him down.
The women’s perspective
If you click on enough of these videos, you will eventually end up on the women’s side of the debate, faced with a cascade of videos from equally disillusioned young women saying things like:
Why are guys refusing to date?
Since when do dudes not want to smash?
The death of boyfriend culture.
If you start clicking on those videos, you might end up with some mix of the two, which reveals that the feeling of doom is everywhere:
Something isn’t right with people anymore.
No wonder everyone is gay now.
She’s 29, and she’s so lost in life.
No thank you, ladies. I’m good.
Dating fatigue is setting in. Women are giving up.
Night at the psy-opera
My first thought was that all these videos look suspiciously similar. Is this some sort of psyop? Is some nefarious organization trying to undermine heterosexual attraction? Or destroy any hope for Gen Z’s marital happiness?
Meanwhile, I find myself stupefied by the infinite parade of Millennial and Gen Z guys and gals, depressed, lonely, talking into their phones in their empty rooms.
How many people are really like this? Probably a lot. And that’s not good news for anybody.
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Hetero-what?
It brings to mind the famous article “The Trouble with Wanting Men” from the New York Times, which declared, “Women are so fed up with dating men that the phenomenon even has a name: heterofatalism.”
(Since it’s the New York Times, nobody asked what the men think.)
Apparently, “heterofatalism” means that anyone who still feels trapped in heterosexual hell should kill themselves. Or at least feel very ashamed.
The writer of the piece, Jean Garnett, resents her own heterosexuality. Despite how objectively worthless men are, she still feels compelled to try to attract them. She craves that feeling of being longed for and desired.
She wants things to be like when she was younger. When men couldn’t resist her. When men couldn’t keep their hands off her.
Though from the sound of Ms. Garnett, I’m sure she would have something to say about any unwanted touching.
What women want
I have watched many of these videos. Men have their various complaints about women: Their girlboss attitude, their unrealistic standards, their doodle tattoos.
And women think men have lost their manliness. They seem withdrawn, passive, and preoccupied with their own troubles.
Women want men to approach them, charm them, buy them a drink.
But contemporary men are hiding in their basements, terrified of being #MeToo'd or rejected or ending up on social media as the butt of a small-penis joke.
Money talks
If these videos aren’t some secret plot to make young people miserable, they are at least a way to make money on the internet.
These men, sitting in their cars, staring forlornly into the gray skies outside, are gathering large followings.
It’s an easy formula. Speak in low tones. Sigh with profound weariness. Encourage men to feel sorry for themselves.
There is at least some psychological relief in that. If it’s happening to everyone, it’s not really your fault. It’s society’s fault. It’s the times. It’s woke politics.
Support the youth!
I do feel great sympathy for these young people coming up. It’s tough to be young and first venturing out into the world — especially at this particular moment in time, when everything about society seems structured to create conflict.
But I suspect they will find some form of happiness. It just isn’t going to be easy. And it might come in forms that are unfamiliar.
Either way, we should understand the challenges Gen Z seems destined to face. They are the ones with nothing to lose. Which means they’re the ones who will fight the coming battles.
We should remember that and help and support them in any way we can.